This is not something that can be known immediately. At first, it often takes a few meetings to begin to get a sense of what it is like to sit together and think. Over those early sessions, something of the space between us starts to become clearer, whether there is a sense of trust, whether it feels possible to speak, or whether something in the work can begin at all.

Part of what becomes clearer in those early sessions is whether the relationship itself feels workable. I tend to check in around that time, since part of the process is also noticing what is or is not taking shape. If it becomes clear that the work does not feel possible in this way, we would think together about what might be a better fit.

Many people come in wanting advice, which makes sense when something feels difficult or uncertain. I don’t tend to respond in a direct way. Early on, the work involves listening and trying to understand how you experience things. At times, I will offer thoughts or observations, but not as instructions. The aim is not to tell you what to do, but to allow something to come into clearer view, so that how you respond to it can begin to shift.

You may already understand yourself well, including why you do what you do. That kind of knowing can be important, and at the same time, it doesn’t always change how something is lived. There are aspects of experience that can be observed on your own, but may not fully come into view in the same way alone. Because we are shaped in relation to others, there are ways of understanding that can begin to emerge in the presence of another person who is thinking with you. At times, it is in that shared thinking that something becomes possible that could not be reached alone.

Therapy is a process, and not all forms of therapy are aiming at the same kind of change. Some approaches are designed to provide relief more quickly by focusing on symptoms. That can be useful, but it often does not lead to lasting change in the way more depth-oriented work does.

In this kind of therapy, change tends to unfold gradually. Early on, it can feel as though you are talking without anything really happening. That can be frustrating, especially if you are looking for clarity or reassurance. But the work is not about arriving at answers quickly. It is about being able to stay with what is not yet clear.

Part of the process involves tolerating that ambiguity. The pressure to feel better or to “figure it out” can actually get in the way of something deeper taking shape. What matters is being as open and honest as possible about your experience, even when it feels repetitive, unclear, or unresolved.

Often, people begin to notice some relief in more immediate symptoms, such as anxiety, within the first several weeks. But the kind of change this work is concerned with develops over time, through consistency. It shows up not just in what you understand, but in how you begin to live.